The following article appeared in the Los Angeles Times of Saturday, November 21, 2009.
Peru
Gang Reportedly Kills For Body Fat
A gang in the Peruvian jungle has been killing people for their fat, police said, draining it from corpse and selling it for use in cosmetics. Three suspects have confessed to killing five people for their fat, police said. Two suspects allegedly had bottles of liquid human fat and claimed it was worth $60,000 a gallon.
Police were investigating 60 disappearances in the area that might be linked to the gang. They suspect that the fat was sold to cosmetic firms in Europe but could not confirm any sales. Medical experts expressed doubt about any black market for human fat, though they confirmed it does have cosmetic applications.
-Times Wire Reports
We here at Gonzolandia usually don’t go in for the sort of tabloid-y/ conspiracy-theory ramifacations that a story like this begs, but think about it: How did Oprah get so damn rich just from doing that show of hers? Could it be that she’s been selling off the 100 gallons of fat that she yearly gets liposuctioned out of her fat, black ass for a cool $6,000,000 a year?
Also, we here at Gonzolandia have yet to confirm the story that former Jenny Craig spokes-pig Kristie Alley has barricaded herself in her own kitchen for fear of being kidnapped by this gang and turned into enough lip stick to tart up the mouth of every whore in Eastern Europe for the next three generations.
-Rance
Peru
Gang Reportedly Kills For Body Fat
A gang in the Peruvian jungle
has been killing people for their
fat, police said, draining it from
corpes and selling it for use in
cosmetics.
Three suspects have confessed
to killing five people for their fat,
police said. Two suspects allegedly
had bottles of liquid human fat and
claimed it was worth $60,000 a
gallon.
Police were investigating 60
disappearences in the area that might
be linked to the gang. They suspect
that the fat was sold to cosmetic firms
in Europe but could not confirm any sales.
Medical experts expressed doubt
about any black market for human fat,
though they confirmed it does have
cosmetic applications.
-Times Wire Reports
HAHAHA!!
This was hysterical!!